Acceptance

By Colette Lafia | May 10, 2011 |
t is the acceptance of myself, as I truly am, that will be the doorway to transformation.
–– Thomas Merton, American, Trappist Monk, 20th century
<p>It’s Mother’s Day, and for many women this day presents an array of stories and mixed emotions. I had wanted to be mother, but my husband and I could not have children. As I closed the door to traditional motherhood, I needed to ask myself: What is it I am seeking?<p>
<p>Through the gate of sorrow, I have arrived at this question, longing to let go and accept myself. As Thomas Merton, the Trappist Monk, said, “It is the acceptance of myself, as I truly am, that will be the doorway to transformation.” <p>
<p>I want to accept myself, as I truly am, the deepest, unspoken self, the one who lives inside of my story. And I want to accept my life in the way it is unfolding, trusting in its wisdom beyond my understanding.<p>
<p>I ask for grace to come to my assistance — for the trust that I don’t need to try so hard to make things happen in my life, but rather I need to let go. There is a great love burning in my heart, waiting for me, a love that is as expansive and fearless as the ocean, a love that penetrates like the eyes of an owl, a passionate love that lives in me and inhabits my total being.<p>
<p><i>What do I seek?<i> I stand in the question. I place myself inside of love, where surrender can be chiseled and carved, where I can hear the whispering of an answer: <b>To embrace my life. <b><p>
<P><i>Seeking Surrender<i><p>
<p><i>What are you seeking in your life right now? Why not ask the question? And instead of forming a long list of all the things you want to do, pause for moment. Allow for the question to fill your heart, your mind, your imagination. You may discover that you are seeking more trust for the way your life is unfolding or more self acceptance. Layer by layer listen to your response. Be patient, spontaneous, and let yourself be surprised. <i><p>
<p> I would like to invite you to attend a workshop I am doing on Surrender and Self Acceptance. It will be time to explore these questions.<p>

Orientation

I wake up in the early morning. It is still dark out, and I cannot sleep anymore. From years of responding to insomnia, I know that neither indulgence nor denial is helpful. Even so, it is never easy for me to acquiesce, to face a new day feeling tired. “Acceptance doesn’t mean you like it,” a good friend tells me. “It just means you are acknowledging what is.”

Still, when hours of sleeplessness overtake me, anger and resistance will sometimes flood my spirit. I want to run away and hide, but there is nowhere to go, because eventually I always end up back with myself. What my body and spirit need most are my acceptance.

Thomas Merton, an American trappist monk, wrote in October, 1958, in one of his journals: For it is the unaccepted self that stands in my way and will continue to do so as long as it is not accepted. When it is accepted, it is my own stepping stone to what is above me.

I cannot dwell on my fatigue, but I can surrender to its presence and adjust my day to accommodate it. If possible, I reschedule an appointment, forfeit running an errand, or try to ease my workload. I find ways to tend to myself – with a gentle swim, or a relaxing walk in the park, or sitting quietly in a church.

There is no turning back. The night passes and the day is before me. The morning light peers through the corners of the bedroom curtain. Can I receive myself, the one who is having difficulty sleeping? There is a tired woman in me who needs the embrace of my compassion, and not my judgment, frustration and determination to control the situation. I make a cup of English breakfast tea and enter the new day through the door of self-acceptance.

Seeking Surrender

Are you continually rejecting or criticizing yourself, even in subtle ways? When you look in the mirror, do you only notice the bags under your eyes and say to yourself: you look so tired. Observe your self talk. It can be very revealing. See if you can give yourself a more loving response. Find a a gentler voice that can say: I see that you are tired and I’m here to support you.

Posted in Comfort & Joy

2 Comments

  1. Lili on May 13, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Thank you for your peaceful countenance.



  2. Dorothy LaRue on June 13, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    Hello Colette,

    My husband, Jeph, works w/ Mark – Mark knows J and I both write/blog and so mentioned your writings/bloggings. Just wanted to say “thank-you” for sharing some of your personal experiences around self acceptance/love/respect. The emphasis you put on inner dialogue particularly resonated. I wish you continued clarity/confidence/strength/health.

    -Dorothy LaRue