Living into Surrendering, Day 18: Desire

Living Into Surrendering: Listen to Your Desire.

I have decided to live into surrender more consciously for 21 days, and share the journey with others. I invite you to join me, for the benefit of your own peace, and the peace of those around you.

Yesterday was a bumpy day. Even with the best intention to stay in the present moment, I kept getting pulled away, by a jumble of thoughts about the past and the future. Yet, I know this is the practice, to keep bringing myself back.

In the late morning, I took a long bike ride along the marina, to a great farmer’s market. There I ate so many samples of plums, nectarines, and the last of the summer peaches! They were delicious. My husband and I were enjoying ourselves.

But below the surface my mind was batting around my decision to change schools, worrying about money, and feeling a nagging sense of loneliness in my new environments.

On the way home, I just started crying from all the internal pressure and exhaustion. Was this being in the present moment?

Usually we think of being in the present moment as peaceful, calm, grateful. Yet, in truth being in the present moment is surrendering to whatever the present moment brings and calls for. This moment was calling for my self acceptance and comfort.

When I got home, I decided to rest, and quiet myself. As I laid down, I placed one hand on my heart, and the other one on my abdomen. I concentrated on my breath; deep inhale, deep exhale. Let your mind rest, I told myself. And in this moment of letting go, I felt the beautiful presence of God’s love coming over me. It was a healing love washing over me.

Then it dawned on me: my deepest intention is to be a loving presence in the world; I could do that in any environment or situation.

I am in a transition. My deepest desire hasn’t changed: to live in and from God’s love at all times. 

Living into surrendering was about living from my deepest desire: to live in and from God’s love, more and more, each moment, each day. 

Can we surrender to love, each and every day? In whatever way it calls; it whatever way it manifest? What is your deepest desire?