Patience

Once again, I am ending the day with my feet in a bucket of cold, icy water, trying to tame the inflammation in my toes. I noticed the week had both good days with my toes and difficult days with my toes. I think when I put expectations on my body, I crash, because I become frustrated with the process and uneven patterns. And I don’t want to be patient, and handle the whole experience, both the pain and the easing up of pain. There are degrees to most things, but when I don’t want to accept that I back myself into a corner. I lock myself into a room and I can’t open the door.

So how do I keep the door open, but acknowledge the truth of what is happening without all the anxiety and fear? It sounds obvious, but by staying in the moment, and not projecting ahead.

And laughter does help! Even in the midst of tears. The other night, my husband and I had so much fun rewriting the classic: Goodnight Moon, to Goodnight Fifty! Instead of saying goodnight to a comb, and a brush and a bowl of mush, we said goodnight to tendonitis in our shoulders and toes, goodnight to retirement worries, goodnight to stock market loses, goodnight to sore muscles and aching backs, and goodnight to gray hair and dry skin.

Just laughing at ourselves in a fun way was a relief. I think I have to continue to step back, and move away from the fear (where is this going? will it ever go away?), and just be in the journey of the days, some easier, some more difficult. And continue to love and laugh as I go along…