The Spirituality of Healing

Loving What Shapes Us: Wednesday Wisdom.

Now, close to four months after the death of my mother, a deep inner wound in me has opened up, unexpectedly, over my parents’ neglect and lack of financial support to me during my college years. Their decision created such hardship for me, as I had to work as a live-in nanny and house cleaner while managing a full course load at school. I spent many hours discussing this with my parents while they were alive, and they expressed their regret for their decisions. Yet, here I was feeling this scar bleeding again, now that they were both deceased.

I prayed with this wound, remembering the gospel story of the hemorrhaging woman reaching out and touching the cloak of Jesus, and finding healing. I placed my hand over my aching heart, while tears streamed down my cheeks, and I felt the presence of the Divine gentle swaying in me like a palm tree in the warm breeze. Then, at Mass on Sunday morning, I was praying after receiving the communion, and heard the words within me, “Let go of this burden you’ve been carrying.”

Yet, a week later, I was still feeling the aching wounds, so I brought my tender heart to spiritual direction. My director immediately recognized the strength of my emotions, as I shared with her my desire for freedom.

I wanted to be healed, and as our conversation deepened, I came to recognize that healing wasn’t about getting rid of the wounds, but rather about looking how I am carrying them. How do I carry my wounds? My director reminded me that the resurrected Jesus still had the scars from his wounds.

As we continued in the session, it became revealed to me that a different relationship to my wounds was possible. Yes, I was to let go of seeing and relating to my wounds as a burden. These scars were part of my becoming; and have shaped who I have become. The richness of my life and who I am includes these wounds and scars.

My director invited me to gaze on these wounds with God. Could I listen to what God has to say about them? Can I meet God here?

Later in the day, I spent time in reflection, praying and writing in my journal. I noticed that I felt suffocated by this heavy pack of wounds. But when I felt God looking at them with me, the tone changed. It became soft, loving, and affirming. Could I love myself as God loves me?

Beyond our limited human thinking, God looks at our lives and at us so differently. If we dared to let God in more, perhaps we’d be walking in a whole other landscape. Ponder it. And be surprised.

Pause and Practice

• Look at a tender-hearted place in you with God, and open yourself to how God sees your wounds or scars.
• Listen to what God wants to say to you about them.
• Pray with the invitation: to love yourself as God love you.