A Beautiful Mess

I was so full of anticipation for Christmas day, like a child really, waiting with joy and enthusiasm for the day to arrive. But the night before Christmas ended up being a restless night for me, and I didn’t sleep well. Since the vicissitudes of sleep is part of my landscape, I am no stranger to nights when it’s not easy for me to sleep well. But Christmas Eve! How could this be, I thought.

I finally got out of bed in the early morning, had a strong cup of tea and ended up going by myself to mass. I walked into the church, delighted by the Christmas trees, white lights, wreaths, and flowers. The organ music filled the large cathedral, and as I passed the manger scene on my way to my seat, I found myself laughing to myself.

A manger is messy, noisy, and smelly, and in that untidy place, the Great Spirit of Love and Light arrives. In the mess, beauty can be born. I am a beautiful mess, and in me the Divine arrives, and finds a home. I didn’t need to be feeling great to enjoy and receive the gift of this moment, this moment of light bursting forth into life. In the manager of myself, in the mess and smell and chaos, the Divine arrives, laughing with me. What a great Christmas present: to be received as I am. I am a holy, messy dwelling. Sweet, I thought, and sang with full lungs: Gloria!