Accepting what is

Acceptance — this is the theme that is emerging for me as the new year begins.

There are certain things in my life that just need to be accepted, and not with a sense of defeat or disappointment. Not accepting some major aspects of my life does weigh down my spirit. I can feel it.

But this lack of acceptance is so deeply set into my psyche that to change it will take effort and surrender. The effort comes in identifying the patterns and habits of thought, and the surrender comes in letting go and accepting what is.

My mother had surgery at the end of last year to have a rod placed in her collapased femur. She is recovering slowly and is now home, where she can move around with the aid of a walker. Fortunately, she has a wonderful woman helping her with her daily chores and maintenance.

When I visited her over Christmas break, she looked good, but I was confronted with the truth of accepting what is. My mother is healing, but her mobility will be limited. She is an 85 year old woman. It’s hard to see, and it’s hard to accept. My mother was not available to us during our childhood because of attending college, addiction to alcohol, and other preoccupations. In many ways, I have been waiting for her to be my mother my whole life, and now it’s at this stage.

I have arrived here, with my aging mother doing her best to handle a difficult situation, and the need for me to either accept what is or to live in denial. How do you accept something that has brought so much pain and disappointment into your life? How do you begin to remember the story of love and forgiveness that also did exist?

I don’t have a quick answers here. I am praying for acceptance. I am paying attention to how acceptance wants to take refuge in my heart and find room to live in me.

What does acceptance look like, feel like, and act like in my life today?