Healing in a Relationship: Living Surrender #8

I recently returned home from visiting my family in Southern California, where I was warm and wearing sleeveless shirts. When my husband picked me up at the San Francisco airport, the cool breeze forced me to grab a jacket, cover myself, and try to warm up. But I couldn’t. Because on the ride home, my husband shared with me that he had been behaving in an excessive manner while I was away, which ended up crossing some lines.

After hearing his story, I found myself filled with anger like a tiger trapped in a cage. I felt so strongly that my husband had broken my trust through his actions. My husband was extremely sorrowful for his actions, and honestly admitted that his impulses took hold of him. But I couldn’t understand how blindly he had behaved, without any consideration of me.

Many of us face these moments in our relationships when we are shocked by our partner’s behavior, and deeply hurt. We find ourselves feeling very vulnerable with the intensity of our emotions. And we know there are no quick solutions.

The air was thick in our house for days, but my husband and I managed to talk, and allowed the very ordinary activities of cooking and cleaning to help stabilize us.

I came across these words and prayed with them: And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. (Ezekiel 36:26)

After a while, I began to feel my heart softening.

My husband and I are healing, and healing is a journey. I am understanding him better, and he is understanding me. He is taking action to make changes, and fortunately, we have some wonderful people to help us through this. I am slowly accepting his words, “I am sorry.” And I am seeing myself and him with more compassion. I am learning, once again, that surrendering to what is really happening in my life is a response of compassion, and a response of hope. 

Reflection:

• How is your heart wanting to soften in a relationship you are in?
• Do you need to accept someone’s word: I’m sorry?
• Is there a call for you to bring more compassion to yourself and to someone else right now?