The compassionate response

I had a choppy night, awake on and off all night. As I face a long day at work, do I respond with anger or with compassion? The definition of compassion is: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

I have been following the monthly gratitude program that Angeles Arrien has laid out in her recent book, Living Gratitude. The March reflection was on gratitude and compassion. One of the practices she suggested was to perform a compassionate act every day. She also suggests to notice where we extend compassion to others. And where others extend compassion to us.

Can I truly be a person that receives and gives compassion? It begins with being compassionate for myself. When I am not sleeping, I am lovingly allowing myself to rest, to invite relaxation into my tired muscles, my achy toes and joints, and to loosen the grip of control and frustration my mind is trying to hold onto.

It’s very basic, but takes practice and awareness to put into action.

The other day, when my husband and I were visiting my elderly mother in Palm Springs, I wanted to go swimming at the Spa Hotel before the day got busy running errands, cooking, and taking care of different matters. I woke up early, had my tea, and was ready to go. But my husband wasn’t ready. We had one car between us. I had a choice to get frustrated and impatient, or to relax into the moment, have compassion for him since he needed more time in the morning, and make the moment peaceful.

I began to feel tense and filled with my tendency to be frustrated and feel like I never have time for myself. However, I was able to stop myself and ask the question: what would be a more compassionate response for myself and for my husband?

I sat down. Took a few deep breaths. And reassured myself that everything would work out just fine if I went with the flow. I waited, not with anger boiling below the surface, but rather with kindness bringing a gentleness into my body. Soon, we left to the spa and had a relaxing morning, and then had more energy and compassion to bring to my mother as we helped her run errands, go shopping, and make a tasty dinner.

Compassion can change the tone and feeling of all we do: for ourselves, as well as for others.