In her incredibly insightful book, The Sacred Place of Prayer. Jean Marie Dwyer writes, “A passage from fear is always a movement into trust.” (pg. 101)
Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night with the pressing thought, I am going to die one day. I had a strong sense of fear, as I headed to the bathroom. Whether this thought was part of a dream, or the outcome of a dream, I wasn’t quite clear, since the lines between states of mind are often blurred during the nighttime.
As I headed back to bed, I questioned the thought: Is this what is really on my mind right now?
I couldn’t get back into a comfortable sleep, so as I laid in bed, I found myself confronting the thought, and realized it was fear that was knocking on my door. I realized that even though the thought was fear-based, I wasn’t actually afraid of the thought itself.
‘Yes, you will die one day, but this is your time to live life,’ I heard myself saying.
I placed my right hand over my heart, and I rested. I felt God as a friend, as a companion, and as a source of comfort. I could hear the words, “You’re okay.”
Sometimes, when things are changing, if feels like death. And since change is a constant, then death is constant. It’s a companion to life on all levels. Right now, as I turn the corner, with my new book coming out, I am experiencing a journey of letting go.
I can’t force myself to feel differently, to have a grand revelation that will ease all my existential ruminations, but I can dwell in and with the sacred relationship I am having with my life, and to creation and to the Divine.
I finally got out of bed as the dawn was breaking, and I heard the invitation: Step into God more.
I have come to believe that there is a spirituality of the nighttime, a time when I am building trust for life in moments of darkness. It is in this unnamed time that I can hear the murmurs of surrender calling for my attention.