Observing myself

I have been feeling stuck somewhere in myself. And I want to unpack this stuckness, if that’s even a word. Oh, there are so many reasons, and I know it comes from self judgment, and exhaustion, and a fear of moving on without a cast around my heart. One of my biggest culprits is comparison. The deadly, sneaky, sly snake that wants to bite me in the thick grass, where I am hiding.

So, as of today, I am going to spend the next three weeks working to change this habit of my mind. My friend gave me a framework to follow.

1. Every morning make an intention to observe my habit of comparing myself to others, either way, less than or more than, both are toxic.

2. When I notice myself comparing, I catch myself, and bring myself back to ME. (Hey, I’m over here!) I can do this by grounding myself back in my body, feeling my feet on the ground, or my back against the chair. However I do it,  I must stop and immediately focus on myself.

3. Once I return to myself, it’s important to practice gratitude in the moment: for the delicious bowl of soup at lunch, for time to swim, for a moment of laughter with a colleague or friend.

I read an article once that argued that comparison had its value, and yes maybe by seeing someone buy a cart full of fresh fruits and vegetables it will remind us of the importance of eating good healthy food, but more often than not, comparison makes us shrink, feel inferior, and zaps our motivation and energy. At least it does that for me, so I want to LOVE my life and myself.

Here I go trying to change a habit of mind that has defined me, and which I see now is only causing me pain. I am craving to feel self acceptance and practice loving kindness towards myself.